My story
More than military
From the outside it seemed that I had a chocolate box life – a happy marriage, 2 beautiful daughters and friends everywhere! I should have been happy, but I wasn’t, there were dark days. I had lost myself – I had no idea who I was or what I was doing. I was living a lie and waiting for my turn in the queue to thrive – but the front of the queue kept moving! I would need to wait for the next posting, the next promotion board, the next tour, the next school move for the kids. After the next time I picked our lives up and started again, then it would be my turn.
For over 15 years I waited for my turn. I was unhappy and unwell. The communication in my marriage had disintegrated – we were on different paths; he was soaring high, and I was not!!! I had no sense of my own identity, I felt powerless to influence my own life and future.
This took its toll on me. I had prenatal depression, post-natal depression and I was on medication for anxiety. I had put my 8-year-old daughter into boarding school, and I was supporting my younger daughter who has educational needs. I was isolated, lonely, tired, mentally ill, lost and broken. My life was happening to me, not for me.
Breaking point
Enough was enough
I vividly recall one freezing cold, dark evening, sitting in my car in a layby on the side of a road in tears, I felt torn between the demands of my family and the call of duty as a nurse, with nobody to turn to. As a healthcare professional during the COVID-19 pandemic, I faced the lonely, scary unknown in community nursing, I had a heavy sense of professional guilt that I was not in a position to use my skills as an intensive care nurse to help the people who were so unwell or the teams of nurses who were in living hell. At the same time, I grappled with the responsibilities of homeschooling two daughters and the absence of my husband, deployed on an operational tour. The pandemic not only magnified the challenges of balancing work and family but also deepened the void in my marriage, leaving me feeling even more isolated and mentally drained. My own life seemed out of reach to me.
Overwhelmed, I initially buried my feelings and soldiered on, putting on a brave face to cope with the mounting pressures. However, the strain on my marriage became undeniable, exacerbated by the disconnection that had grown between my husband and I over years of living separate lives. It was a life that appeared perfect from the outside but felt lonely and unsustainable on the inside, with my mental health in a dark place.
The turning point came when he returned from 18 months away, we struggled to adjust the family dynamic, we also faced the prospect of uprooting our family and starting yet again on the other side of the country for the 7th time. I’d had enough, it was a moment of realisation that I was doing life alone anyway, I made the decision to leave my marriage behind, to put my children’s wellbeing and my own wellbeing ahead of the demands of military life. What had once felt like an honourable way of life, no longer felt that way to me – if I’m honest, I felt unappreciated, used and invisible. I had given enough. I drew my boundaries – a line in the sand.
Regaining control
Despite the uncertainties and challenges that lay ahead, I chose to embrace the journey of self-discovery and empowerment, determined to redefine myself beyond the confines of my previous roles.
Life as a military wife had endowed me with the gift of adaptability, the ability to pick up my life and start again, and I seized the opportunity to explore who I was in the present moment. Surrounding myself with inspirational individuals from diverse walks of life, I delved into new experiences and pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, each step forward a testament to my own strength and resilience.
Through this journey of self-discovery, I have learned to prioritise my own well-being and happiness, gaining a profound understanding of the importance of self-awareness and clear communication within relationships.
Out of the depths of uncertainty and loneliness, I found myself thriving in newfound independence, armed with the knowledge that I could overcome any obstacle that came my way. My journey has given me a newfound sense of empowerment and purpose. I feel unstoppable – I feel the fear and do it any way! My now teenage daughters are proud and inspired by the woman that I have become.
I realised that military wives, like me, need to have a firm sense of identity and values in order to navigate the challenges of military life while maintaining their individuality and resilience to keep going, to thrive in spite of it all.
I have the desire to support and inspire other military wives facing similar struggles, before they reach breaking point. Military life is honourable, what the guys sacrifice is remarkable, but they are supported, rewarded and celebrated, they feel valued, unlike the rear party! – I don’t believe that as a military wife you should sacrifice your whole sense of being in order to honour the way of life.
I will use my lived experience, my people skills and training as a nurse, manager and coach to empower you to establish your own priority values and your sense of identity, to establish your personal goals, to help you to view challenges as opportunities for growth and transformation. My mission is to protect and uplift military wives, ensuring they have the support, internal resources and resilience that they need to thrive as individuals, mothers, and partners.
If my story sounds familiar and resonates with you, and you would like to discuss how I can support you through this crazy journey please reach out. I got you x